How can a movie that takes place on an oil rig, in the middle of the ocean be so dry? Nothing but soap opera cardboard for over half an hour and when the “action” starts, it fails to create any more interest for viewers. Instead it just gives the actors more corny lines that they sound ridiculous trying to say seriously. An hour in, the monsters on “the Rig” have killed William Forsythe and any chance that film will have something worthwhile to offer. It lowers itself further by trying to homage Alien as they chase these monsters through the bowels of the rig with a flamethrower. Yeah. Pretty weak. So what to do? You could always congratulate the film makers as you would a five year old for trying to trace the Mona Lisa. Smile and tell them their scribbles are very nice! And then hope they go and play by themselves quietly for a while so we can all get some rest! Maybe we can play them their own movie. The Rig has been shown to induce a coma in one out of every five people who watch it. You’ve been warned.